Surprise! For some strange bizarre reason, I happened to be the winner of the #useyourand Venus campaign to have a chat with wonderful special awesome human, Carrie Hope Fletcher.
Firstly, isn’t it really strange seeing yourself in a video on the internet? I mean I know our voices sound different when we hear them through record and that’s already strange (apologies for the strong midlands accent by the way everybody!) but seeing yourself is also strange. I guess the entire experience was a bit of a ‘pinch me I’m dreaming!’ kind of thing, but at the end of the day, it was just a normal chat with a very lovely young lady – and that was the best part about it. She was SO comfortable to chat to! 🙂
I actually documented the day from start to finish in a notebook I had in my bag, ready and prepared for writing my thoughts and feelings so I could share them. Because I just love writing, and I didn’t want to miss this opportunity of writing down a wonderful experience so I can remember and share my thoughts and feelings – just in case I ever forget (I probably won’t.)
Being someone who struggles with the battles of panic and anxiety each week, this was a conflicting thing for me. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go through with it, purely because of being scared of what Carrie and others would think of me and whether those nerves would attack me on the day of chatting to her. But hey – you only live once, and why would anyone toss away the opportunity to meet someone they consider an inspiration?! So despite the early get up and train journey to London, the build up of nerves, the constant attempt to maybe think up some vague idea of what to say in case I stumble into my trance of nervousness and not talk too much, and the battle over google+ (let me tell you now, that thing is wayyyyyyy beyond my understanding!) I ended up gathering a lovely memory to keep with me forever to support a lovely campaign (let me just add, this is not sponsored! but it was just such a happy lovely day and experience!!! ^.^)
Here are some snippets of my thoughts and feelings on the day:
I do hate transport – so travelling to London is a nightmare. But experiences like this don’t come everyday. My first obstacle, was that my train (9:06) wasn’t on the flashy board. A booked train. Not on the board! I asked a polite woman in the office and she assured me it was still coming and it was all just a bit of an error. In panic, I just jumped on the next train that would send me to Birmingham so I could catch a train to London. Yes, wrong train, not booked, I was always rebellious but nobody seemed to mind. (I apologise to anyone working with the rail services that see this, I’m sorry I cheated the system, I just didn’t want to miss my allocated train and didn’t know when it was coming + panic + once in a lifetime opportunity = jump on next train NOW!)
The next tonne of spill was my anxiety and panic pouring out again! Yes, I couldn’t completely smile my way on the journey, but there was nothing to be worried about at all! Silly me. As per! I quote “Will this day even begin if it’s already gone wrong!?” Wow – I was so nervous! but it seems the one thing I was scared of was being me. Well, these situations, you can’t just put on a front. I didn’t want to put on a front. But sometimes I pull out my magic trick, my confidence card and I can be a balsy ball of confidence. But as Carrie has said in previous videos, it’s like hiding behind a mask and being someone else which makes you less scared (in reference to playing Eponine) But to be myself, was that good enough? Would I be what I needed to be? What Carrie was expecting? I found myself worried about all these things – but Carrie proved to me that there was absolutely no need to be worried about any of those things. The conversation ran so smoothly, for me, my nerves entirely vanished when I finally started chatting to her, and I found it was almost like I’d known her enough to not be scared. Not a panic attack in sight.
But you know, it’s like when Harry Potter turns round and says “But, I’m just Harry!” after Hagrid tells him he is a wizard – only I’m not a secret wizard. I hadn’t received my Hogwarts acceptance letter yet so that extraordinary potential is entirely out of the window. But you never know…
And that’s the thing. There was never any need for me to be worried nor scared that I wasn’t good enough, or special enough, or had done something different. I’m no wizard. I’m from the midlands and scrambled through school hating every second and ended up at university, I have 4 siblings and I like playing chess, drawing, writing, blogging, playing computer games, shopping for makeup and singing while I do the washing up. And I bite my nails, make mistakes and try making people laugh or smile if and when I can and when I’m not being grumpy. I’m not special – I’m a normal human being. But the thing is – everyone is unique. And that is what the use your and campaign is all about. Regardless that it’s advertising, it’s something that is special in this sense. I went to chat to Carrie being scared I wasn’t good enough, or interesting enough, or that I’d let my nerves kill my speech. But Carrie was so wonderful to chat to, that none of those worries mattered. Because as the campaign suggests – we are all special secret wizards in our own unique ways. None of us are boring at all!
Of all the hopefuls in the world, why me? She could have picked anyone. An aspiring astronaut, a singer, an actress, an architect, a mum. Why me. Someone who has already or soon to achieve such great things. Instead, she picked me. Girlfriend, Sister, Daughter. Beauty fanatic (and damn does my bank balance know it!), Disney lover, English with Serbian/Croatian studies student. Blogger. Egalitarian. I’m going to have to actually talk to her about me. Natalija with a J that sounds like a ‘YUH’ and a surname that should probably have an ‘H’ on the end and that sounds like it has a vowel missing. The student with anxiety and panic disorder. Who gets 2:1’s but still isn’t quite doing all that well and slips up in the language a lot. What if I have to teach her something? I know nothing. Just like John Snow. Only with blonde hair and a Disney themed outfit. Don’t cancel out the hairy top lip though. Lets hope Venus don’t have a super HD camera that will pick it up.
Yep. That’s me. To me, I’m not that interesting. But to others, all those and’s probably are. Just like everyone else’s she could have picked. Everyone does some super amazing things, and everyone is so different. Whoever she would have picked, we are all special and unique in our own way. (Haven’t I said that already!?) But yes – a moral to take from this…
There is no need to be scared of who you are and what you do. Or wonder if you’re good enough, interesting enough, do enough, are enough or whatever else. Because there is nothing to fear and nothing to worry about. You are wonderful in your own way, everyone is so unique that everyone is interesting and has a tonne of ands if you think about it! 🙂 There is especially nothing to be scared about when meeting your idol either or facing a once in a lifetime opportunity, no matter what stands in your way. You only live once, so live it and enjoy it.
Carrie – Thank you. For being the loveliest inspiration, and just as lovely as you seem in your videos. If you’re chatting to Carrie or meeting her – there is absolutely nothing to be scared of! She makes you feel like you have already known her for years and I couldn’t have wished for a nicer experience. Hence why I was smiling so much in the video! 🙂
Nobody should ever be worried that their ands are never enough – secretly, you’re probably a wizard 😉
Thanks also to Venus – as I wouldn’t be here if this campaign wasn’t around, but the campaign also tied in incredibly well with the thoughts I had that day!
P.S. Carrie, I never told you, but I’m also a tea drinker. Specifically my favourite is Chai Tea Latte (which is brilliant, because Čai (Chai) actually means Tea in Serbo/Croat. So it’s technically ‘Tea Tea’ but it’s actually a cinnamony spicy tea full of lovely christmas feels!) So there – that’s a way to remember how to say ‘Tea’ in Serbo/Croat!
I hope I wrote this in the best of words, I apologise it wasn’t in the shortest – and please everyone, never be ashamed or scared of your ands. You’re all wonderful 🙂