What does it mean, to know who you are. What do you have to do to be satisfied? Discovering who you are, is a discovery that forever changes, sometimes progresses, sometimes regresses, but is never going to end.
Sometimes you find yourself in times where major events happen, that you won’t realise until later life have changed who you are or had some influence into who you are.
Sometimes you find yourself obsessing over a thing that can shape your style, your likes and dislikes and your opinions.
Sometimes you find yourself admiring others, copying others even at times, to be like them or to try and hinge parts of your personality to be liked by them or to be similar to them in some ways.
When you think about it – discovering who you are is like trying on a pair of shoes. Try on the red wellies, they’re a bit big but you’re happy to grow into them, but next week you don’t like them and try on a new pair. Sometimes you try shoes on that fit perfectly until a years time. Sometimes you try shoes on that you like until 10 years later where the thought of even trying them disgusts you. But sometimes you find some you love, and will always love, even when they no longer fit. Or you’ll even find some you now hate but you can laugh at, and accept, because at one point you did love them. And all of those scenarios are completely ok, and you’ll experience many like it, you won’t just stick to one pair of shoes.
But along the way, you slowly collect parts of who you are. In various different ways you find out, and you change your mind on whether you like it or not. Change happens all the time, all through life and despite everyone being afraid of change at some points in life, it inevitably happens but is incredibly exciting.
My Mum once asked me if I ever wanted to see a medium, to help me discover who I was, what I was in for, how I should feel. I know at the time she was just trying to help. But in my eyes, there’s no better person to tell me or to find out than myself. I love the stupid haircuts I went through, the fallouts, the misery, the happiness, the cat eared cardigans and the graphic designer, the avid reader and aspiring teacher, and even the me I am today – full of unknown aspirations and pathways, filling up a personality chunk I ripped out of myself by removing someone from my life who previously filled it.
This final paragraph is to tell you not to look for someone to fill a chunk, if you’re looking to fill a chunk in your personality. With whatever you have to do to find out who you are, never make it someone else. Never pass on that responsibility to another person, or you’ll find yourself reliant on never being whole unless someone holds you. Finding out who you are never ends, but is also never solved by other people.
Working yourself out, is actually a lot of fun! Try all the shoes, just to see what makes you feel comfortable and happy.
Make sense? Of course not always, but that’s the point!