Guilty as charged. Sometimes I promise things, forget to do them, don’t do them, and things just don’t go as planned. Welcome to my unorganised world. About a month ago, I said I was going to do NaNoWriMo, and I planned what I would write and everything. However, I didn’t. I started writing something else instead…
As I started writing, I even started illustrating again. God it felt good to draw. Then I got a job. Then another job. Then more hours. Then I fractioned my precious writing and drawing time into my sleep time…too many nights getting to sleep at 2am with the sound of a hamster rushing around in her cranky effing wheel over and over was both blissful and bloody stupid. But sort of worth it for what the final outcome will be (if I ever finish it!)
I hate pie crust promises. Easily made, easily broken (wise words by Mary Poppins, the only thing in the world that is practically perfect in every way). But I am also very guilty of them. Anxiety causes this horrid habit of beating yourself up. The feeling of guilt twists my tummy every time I do or don’t do something I promised I would or wouldn’t do. Like writing 50,000 words about being useless but how that is also ok…Ok, yeah, it was ambitious, but I really really wanted to do it. The project has changed, but it took a month for me to write about it to mention it….oh shut up Nat! That was NEVER THE POINT OF THIS BLOG!!!!
If I promise something a little more important or serious, like attending an event, or sorting out the dishes, you know, then maybe telling myself off would be worth it. I watched something today that said “where are we on our own priority list?” And that is what this post is about. Where ARE we on our priority list? And is our priority list all totally wrong? Like do we have writing 50,000 words over our sleep? I used to do essays over eating a meal…I thought I’d sorted my priority list out, but I guess I still make mistakes with it.
AND THAT IS TOTALLY FINE
I guess we all just need a bit of reminding to check out our own priority list,and reassess it. In worse cases, important survival stuff like eating, drinking, sleeping, showering, spending a little time outdoors, talking to our friends and family, can get lost…it sounds weird, but in times of mental health dilemma especially. In my depressive phase this time last year I have had these key ingredients to life prioritised in the COMPLETE wrong places. When our mental health gets worse, it is so easy to let that list of priorities slip into a jumbled up mess. So when it does and you don’t get to do that thing you said you would do, or eat healthier today, or organise something you said you would organise or whatever on EARTH it is – make sure you are being mindful about the basic things first:
- Feed and water yourself.
- Refresh yourself with some music and a shower.
- Talk to people.
And I’ll say it again. DONT BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT! IT’S OK!
If you’re doing basic survival, basic mindfulness, you are rocking it. Don’t beat yourself over the little things if life gets overwhelming. The little things never prioritise over the basics, and they never EVER prioritise over your happiness. And that goes for everything.
And as they say, if it goes wrong, try and try again. We don’t always get the list right and it can even be hard to get ourselves into the mindspace and routine of ‘doing it right/better’. But tomorrow is always a new day, and allow yourself the time you personally need to work it all out and get the hang of it. Coz hey, I still do it sometimes, clearly! But being more aware of it, helps.
Go through that priority list today, ask yourself about your priorities, and please, don’t beat yourself up or feel guilty if things get a little overwhelming. Avoid pie crust promises by simply working out your capabilities for the time being. If things change, that’s ok. If you need more time, that’s ok too. If you need space, go for it.
Lets hope that one made sense and my fried brain didn’t make a mess of it!
Nat 🙂 xoxo