#1in4

You know life sometimes is like a video game,

Each day comes as a new level, nothing is the same.

Aside from a secret underwater kingdom portal,

A chance anyone could take in a bid to be normal.

And I know where it is, I try getting through every time,

To try something new, I just want to see the excitement that’s behind.

But it doesn’t always last.

There’s something in my mind,

And it causes me to glitch,

And I’m not one of a kind.

I press X 61 times,

hoping for resolve,

Wild Dog mode comes on and my brain doesn’t do as it’s told.

To the point where I shout and tear everything apart,

Shit songs pour out my ears and I’m sent far away from the start.

The screen turns black.

I’m in curled in the corner and I’m crying,

Watching the countdown screen,

And here come the options to sort out my wiring.

Press circle they say to go off and cower,

Search for one way tickets to Canada for an hour.

Press triangle they say to go right off the mark,

Go out with no phone all alone in the dark.

Press square to cry until you can barely breathe,

So much you drift off into a sleep hoping when you wake the thoughts leave.

Press X to teleport to NHS tower,

Go see the wizard for potions for a happy hour.

Press UP and travel to mindful mountain,

And a parrot over 10 weeks will stop you from doubting.

Press R2 to talk to a friend,

Then constantly worry you’ll drive them round the bend.

Press R1 to commence battle with your twin,

About all the mistakes you’ve made only to never win.

And the final option,

Is to press nothing at all,

Countdown goes to zero,

Watch as the black screen falls,

And then you realise you can’t just press pause.

I’ve tried every option,

I even let the countdown get to 3,

Before things got in the way and I internally screamed what was the matter with me.

And everyone always says never wear your heart on your sleeve,

Because when you do they’ll take advantage of you,

They’ll grab your throat the second you’ll close your eyes just to sneeze.

Please tell me what’s so bad about being free,

To say how you feel if any of you have ever felt like me.

Anxiety depression and panic disorder,

When are we going to discover a new outlook is in order?

And I’m not just talking about guessing games when your heart is involved,

I mean when your life is on the line and nobody has been told.

I call bullshit and it makes me angry,

When somebody doesn’t show they cry because it looks more “manly”.

They say it costs us our identity and our pride,

If we ever bother to show what we have inside.

Well I say just take mine, and serve it up hot,

I’ll say exactly how I feel when I feel if it means I’m here, and that’s all that I’ve got.

One day I hope society can see the bravery,

Behind breaking free from emotional slavery.

I hope when someone says they are looking for a “man”,

The answer always is if that means I’m open and honest then I am.

So here is to being one of the 1 in 4,

And hoping that next time they tell you suicide is the number one killer of young men,

That it’s only to say there’s been a change in the score.

Saving our lives is more important than our prides.

Last thing we need is another death to suicide,

The more we talk about it the more we stop letting it slide.

Realising Something BIGGER: The Understand Me Award

Hey all you lovely readers! I just wanted to say a great big massive thank you to you all. Why? Because my ‘Understand Me’ award is going awesomely and is putting a smile on my face. But something else too…

Namely, I read the following Understand Me posts: QUAYLACHEERS & EDGE OF NIGHT.

And these two lovely girls made me realise something really special. You see, although the understand me award is supposed to be focussed on mental illness, these two girls have stretched this out and have made me realise something further I want to share with you all.

Being misunderstood isn’t just a problem within the mental health field, it’s in life.

I hope more people take on the same route these ladies took, because not only did they discuss mental illness but they discussed misunderstanding in general. Which I think is incredibly special and important. I too was misunderstood often at school, and still feel like I sometimes am amongst the friends I live with, my parents and others. I remember being at school, and people thinking I was strange. A lot. I guess I am, but what these girls pointed out is that the understand me award can raise awareness with that too.

I think this is also important, because this is where anxiety begins in my opinion. Certainly social anxiety and depression. When you feel like everyone that looks at you and talks to you is against you, or they are doing it entirely openly as a bullying/picking/make fun of gesture, this can actually cause serious damage to people.

The nasty words of others can make us miserable. Believe me, I’ve had my fair share. I’m sure I’ve written a post about it before, but I’m sure when my teen stories become my blog theme after my 20th Birthday it’ll open this up further. But it’s merely because we are misunderstood, not the norm if you will.

I’m here to tell you there is no norm. Everyone is so so completely different, and we need to embrace that, not make that person feel miserable. All that does is send them down a negative spiral, but makes us a nasty negative human being. I can’t explain enough how important it is to embrace the differences of others, it’s something I’m also really strong about.

So if you’re wanting to take part in the award, I fully encourage you to all talk about being misunderstood more openly as well as mental illness. Because altogether, misunderstanding is something we should battle alongside the stigma behind mental illness. Because being misunderstood is commonly where this all starts.

Very serious note there, but I was very touched by this all tonight. I really hope I make a difference, even if only a little one. That’s good enough for me 🙂

Goodnight inspirationals, I’ll see you soon once I’ve got some more work done. I’ll try not to get too distracted! Remember to post a comment about someone’s understand me post because I’m so useless with technology! (Whim you’re 19, get a grip!) I promise i’ll learn. Remember to use #understandme, #understandmeaward or tag with similar tags so I can find you! (somehow!)

Keep smiling,

Whim xoxo

It’s Complicated But Please, Understand Me

From One To The Next’s Understanding…Another wonderful piece! It’s really hitting heart reading all these and I really hope that the awareness to understand mental illness is strong! I can’t wait for the page to be all built together – Check this one out! This is about From One To The Next’s experience with depression, panic attacks and anxiety. Give it a read!

From One To The Next

Whim from Words On A Whim has created something truly amazing that I feel, deserves as much support as it can get. I was amazed when I came across her idea to help promote mental illness and to give support and acknowledgement for those who have suffered or currently suffer with a mental illness. That is why, I have decided to take part and help to spread this wonderful and thoughtful campaign. Here goes:

For years, I have struggled with a few mental illnesses of my own. At first, I just thought it was normal and a part of life that everyone just dealt with at some point or another. It wasn’t until I found myself feeling completely isolated and alone that I started to question whether it was really as ‘normal’ as I thought. Those feelings of being alone and thinking that the world was waging its own war…

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